Deadlocked by Charlaine Harris
Series: Sookie Stackhouse #12
Published by Ace on May 1, 2012
Pages: 336
Genres: Paranormal, Romance
Format: eBook
Source: Library
Amazon
Goodreads

It’s vampire politics as usual around the town of Bon Temps, but never before have they hit so close to Sookie’s heart…

Growing up with telepathic abilities, Sookie Stackhouse realized early on there were things she’d rather not know. And now that she’s an adult, she also realizes that some things she knows about, she’d rather not see—like Eric Northman feeding off another woman. A younger one.

There’s a thing or two she’d like to say about that, but she has to keep quiet—Felipe de Castro, the Vampire King of Louisiana (and Arkansas and Nevada), is in town. It’s the worst possible time for a human body to show up in Eric’s front yard—especially the body of the woman whose blood he just drank.

Now, it’s up to Sookie and Bill, the official Area Five investigator, to solve the murder. Sookie thinks that, at least this time, the dead girl’s fate has nothing to do with her. But she is wrong. She has an enemy, one far more devious than she would ever suspect, who’s set out to make Sookie’s world come crashing down.

Everyone knows that Charlaine Harris books are not serious works of fiction, I don’t expect them to blow me away with their awesomeness. That is not why I read them. Up until this book I have considered this series to be a guilty pleasure of mine because despite the consistent ridiculous nature of these stories they were still fun and entertaining and I love them for no realistic reason.

I was not a huge fan of book 11 either but it wasn’t as downright awful as this installment (which is quite surprising, believe me.) If I hadn’t become such a dedicated reader over the years I wouldn’t have been able to make it past the first 10% of this one.

The problem with these books is that they seem to be produced so rapidly that absolutely zero thought seems to be put into their creation. In Deadlocked there is no new story, it seems like the same old shit just keeps happening again and again and too many details are put into the daily life of Sookie. Honestly? I couldn’t give a shit less if she shaved her legs or not. And the writing? Charlaine Harris, as stated above, does not write serious fiction – HOWEVER, she’s taken it to all new lows. Let me share with you a few lines that really had me wanting to rip my hair out:

‘Even I, who had already seen the whole package and knew how disagreeable Claude could be – even if I was feeling a little jolt of excitement down where I shouldn’t.’
(Claude. Her COUSIN. Barf.)

“You haven’t got the right to question me,” Niall said, in his most royal voice. “I am the only living prince of Faery.”
“I don’t know why that means I can’t ask you questions. I’m an American,” I said, standing tall.
(Sookie? I hate you. You’re an idiot.)

“I’m sorry I’ve upset you,” he said, even more miserably.
I felt guilty again.
(She felt guilty. Because she finally decided to tell her great-uncle that she would no longer sleep in the same bed as him. Even though they don’t have sex, well, it’s just become too weird and they should stop. Have I mentioned Sookie is an idiot?)

‘I stayed gossiping at the bar for a few minutes, and on the way home I filled up the car with gas. I got a chicken sandwich from the Sonic and drove home slowly.’
(Really? We really needed to know you went to Sonic? Really don’t care for the extra detail. In fact, it’s more annoying than informative.)

“Horst, don’t mistake Miss Stackhouse’s cheerful looks for any mental deficiency.”
(Why not? I do.)

Then there was the time when she referred to her great-uncle as ‘Sexy Farmer’ and another time when she had a conversation with her toes… and it pretty much stayed consistently horrible throughout the remaining pages.

What happened to this series?! Sookie is barely tolerable and she used to be a fun and interesting character. I loved when she finally got together with Eric because I loved Eric and the two of them together was so exciting. I think that died a long time ago though (or at least when the ice pack was introduced in the last book). Their relationship has grown dull and I’m sick of it all. Deadlocked was seriously disappointing.

I know that book 13 is supposed to be the final nail in the coffin of this series but I can’t even bring myself to get even mildly excited for it. So when you see that shit on my Currently Reading list be sure and point and laugh at me. I’ll deserve it.